This Christmas morning, do you fret you didn’t choose the perfect present for that someone special? I always try, but everywhere I turn I’m bombarded with unhelpful suggestions. Absolutely not, I have no desire for a candle with a poultry aroma, because we’ll be cooking the bird itself. I also don't need a sunrise alarm clock, since opening the curtains open works just fine. I certainly do not desire a facial mask containing fish-derived collagen, as said DNA comes from fish semen. If I wanted fish sperm on my face, I'd simply go fishing.
Finding Inspiration From the Natural World
Therefore, if you constantly search for gift ideas, my advice is: learn from the animal kingdom. Our species did not create gifting. The practice has been around for at least a hundred million years, long before humans appeared. With a little help by evolution, this has given wild animals plenty of time to perfect gift-giving. Heck, some spiders go so far as to wrap their offerings!
Leaving out exercise-related items and other things I don’t like, there are five main types of Christmas gift: edibles, things for the home, jewelry, beauty products and apparel. Nature's creatures has them all covered.
Culinary Presents: High-Protein Treats to Gourmet Skewers
Brazilian cuckoos offer their mates high-protein snacks including insects, frogs and lizards. But if you prefer their meat skewered, then the butcher bird, or Lanius excubitor. Males impale their catch, like bugs and rodents, onto pointed thorns and branches crafting impromptu kebabs.
Certain insects gift their beaus spitballs, but these aren’t ordinary globs. These are the nuptial gifts of scorpionflies, created from the freshest saliva sourced from swollen salivary glands of only the fittest males. The delicacy is packed with nutrients, a key reason why the females favor males with larger gifts.
Another reason involves the fittest males produce the largest gifts. When I say “fit” I am not referring to physical appearance, though that may be true. I refer to genetic fitness.
The gifts are given as a prelude to sex, so by choosing the male with the biggest package, the female is choosing superior genes. She then consumes the delicacy while mating but terminates intercourse the moment it is finished. Larger gifts result in longer copulation times, during which the male can transfer more sperm and the female can’t mate with anyone else. This explains the male's motivation for creating such an intricate present.
Homeware and Bling
These Antarctic penguins don’t give food, but they do give nesting materials. On the icy continent, their home, there is no home improvement store, so the birds must source their gifts from the local landscape. Each breeding season, the males gather small stones and start making their nest. The vital building blocks are rare, prompting some opportunists to steal pebbles from their neighbours. However, when a male presents a stone to a female, it is a sign he is ready to commit. Think of it as the penguin equivalent of an engagement ring. The rock doesn’t go on her finger, however. If she wants to get serious, she takes the gift and places it to the nest. Then, after a few finishing touches, they are ready to start their family.
Regarding shiny things, crows excel at this gift category. There are many accounts exist of people who have befriended wild corvids and later received bottle tops, screws, fastenings and various glittering objects. For instance, a couple in Florida even received a diamond bracelet from a crow they fed regularly. This is especially charming because while most animals offer gifts hoping for mating opportunities, crows seem to give simply for the joy of it.
The Pinnacle of Multipurpose Present: Sea Sponges
Off the coast of Australia, researchers have observed dolphins collecting pieces of sea sponge from the ocean floor and utilizing them in interesting ways. Sometimes, while foraging for food, they place the sponges over their rostrum to shield their skin. And sometimes, when males want to woo females, they wear them as playful headwear before presenting them as presents.
In so doing, dolphins brilliantly combine the last two categories of holiday gifts. Marine sponges serve as attire and skincare. And if that’s not enough, when males present their sponge gifts, they frequently adopt a U-shaped posture and produce a little tune via their blowhole.
This stands in contrast to the lackluster presents of domestic animals – such as a cat presenting a dead mouse in an obscure corner – or certain individuals. Dolphin gifts are thoughtful, multipurpose, ethically gathered and presented with panache. There is a lesson for all of us. A popular song may have said all she wants for Christmas “is you”, but if I have single holiday wish, it is to receive a sponge-based headwear and skin guard from a cetacean who serenades me with style.
