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Our close companions for more than 20 years, who has overcome many challenges, and I respect her for that. Yet, she has been constantly blindsided by people. Her spouse walked away, which came as a massive blow. A lot of her friends vanished at that point, since they had been drawn to him. It shocked her deeply. She made increased attention to be my friend, and must have realised more acutely the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

Over the years, several in her circle have disappeared leaving her sure why. The company she worked for turned on her, despite the fact that she had been highly competent, and she left unaware of what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we have each left the workforce leading to more frequent meetups, yet I realize my position in our friendship is as the audience. I start topics of conversation but she shifts conversation onto her own topics. In terms of politics, she has strong opinions. I try to propose double-checking information or other angles.

She has been planning a trip to a nation I have traveled to repeatedly even called home previously. My intention was to share insights, but this was not welcomed. She purely solely sought me to confirm her plans. I've just come back from 30 days in that place she is eager to reconnect, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to act as a friend that walks away without a word, however, I feel she can grasp the consequences of her actions on how I feel about myself. At this point, I find myself in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

One option is to walk away, however, that approach is seldom the easy answer we imagine. However, addressing it with the goal of resolution demands strength and readiness from both people.

Experts suggest using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one requires explaining the usual pattern in your conversations. It should be objective and clear and essentially an unbiased account. The second is to express the way it leaves you feeling. This allows for no disagreement about this. Your feelings are valid, of course. Finally is to question how the two of you going to change the interaction between you."

Consider that she also has a point of view, thus requiring you to remain ready to hear that. One effective method is to say her:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to remain silent for 30 minutes."

This can be impactful to encourage mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

Your friend could ignore all you say, as some people hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a narrative regarding their experiences they cannot abandon because their very survival relies on it being the only thing they trust. This poses a challenge when there seems no easy route with these people, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could at first react defensively before reflecting on your words. And even if you never reach an agreement, it provides peace that you've been open and direct.